Thursday, October 30, 2014

Blog Drama?

I follow a boatload of sewing blogs. I am a rabid consumer of all things sewing! I love it!

I am not a regular reader at sewcountrychick because I was a little put-off once by a comment she made regarding 'visible hems'. I have great appreciation for blind hems but somethings are just fine with a top-stitched hem! I felt like..."Aren't we on a high-horse..." about it.

But today...Sigh.

Lots of bloggers are calling GOMI out lately and yep, I've lurked the site. Some stuff is ridiculous, some is funny, some is blunt and direct and borderline mean. I think it's much easier to be put off if you read something about yourself or a blogger friend -- I am way too low on the totem pole to be mentioned there, I'm sure, as they focus mainly on bloggers who are monetized or the uber popular bloggers -- but there is some critical discussion about the sewing community there that you can't really disagree with.

Today, Justine posted an open letter to GOMI of sorts... HERE

I was reading it and I was sort of following along, nodding my head...

My comment (it's long - but y'all know I'm long-winded!)

I was completely and totally there until I read this, “…for all we know it’s a frustrated ex blogger on there, eating potato chips while she types, getting fatter by the minute, in a sexless marriage, spending all day behind the keyboard, on this site. Why is what SHE says so important to everyone? SHE is an anonymous nobody who lashes out under the shield of internet anonymity. But why?” I mean…c’mon. That’s pretty rude. If *nothing* else it reinforces fat = bad and it is generally held that body snark is never okay. People are made how they are made.
And then, “Many of these seamstresses can totally outsew the younger group, yet they might not have the computer skills to put together beautiful looking blogs and photos to draw in new readers. I sense a feeling of resentment from some in this group, …”
Seriously, everyone who blogs doesn’t do so to have a million followers and to be “popular”. So I doubt that “resentment” is real.
My $0.02 cents…
I have been sewing just under 2 years. I was frustrated at first with the ‘old school’ thinkers because I did not, under any circumstances, want to sew a stupid tote bag! (poking fun just a little). I started sewing to sew garments and that’s what I wanted to sew. IMO it doesn’t help to try to tell a newbie to focus on fit because fit is the MOST DIFFICULT PART OF SEWING! A newbie is just very unlikely to execute a garment with perfectly fitting shoulders, zero wrinkles, gorgeous buttonholes and a perfectly even hem.
Sew some things up, have fun, eventually you will start to realize what’s “off” and will start asking questions and getting better at fitting your body. But first and foremost most of us do this as a hobby and so it is something to be enjoyed not fretted over about tiny details (like wonky topstitching). Eventually your skills will begin to improve and you will learn to get neat topstitching, etc. Just keep going.
BUT, I feel all bets are off when you decide you are going to sell a product or service. Seriously. There is no good reason for bad customer service. I do not accept bad customer service from restaurants, department stores, the large chain craft stores…why should I accept poor service from someone because they are part of the SBC and have a pretty blog? I think that’s INSANE.
Obviously anyone can start selling just about anything with the internet as a platform. But the minute you start to sell something you are saying “I stand behind this product/service that I am offering”. You can’t go run and hide in a corner and cry fowl foul when someone critiques your product/service.
And then, I got an email that said:
Well said. But people aren’t fat because they’re made that way
It’s because they eat too much and don’t exercise enough. But yes, that comment was rude, and I should probably not have said that . Just painting a picture of the type of person who most likely hangs out on sites like that all day 
I thought, WOW. Did she really say that to me??
And then I realized she actually posted that on her blog, in response to me. And I don't care what anyone thinks, I don't feel I'm perpetuating it, I feel like this really needs to be called out because Oh My Gosh, who says that? I am seriously disgusted. I think that this line of thinking is far more ridiculous than someone at GOMI calling out a blogger who inserts 22 photos in a post or is on Blog Tour #317.
A portion of Samantha's comment sums things up greatly. 
First of all, there are a great many people in the world with a variety of opinions. Their ideas and thoughts are not made invalid due to their weight, body type, or activity level...People who have an opinion that deviates from yours do not deserve to be dismissed in that manner nor should it be assumed that the opinions of those who may be overweight matter less than those of other body types.


41 comments:

  1. I like to stay out of drama. But I must say, I find it disgusting that anyone would suggest that being overweight is solely because of eating too much and not exercising. Yuk. I've been on both sides, super skinny and also overweight. Most of my weight has been because of health issues and not because of anything I ate. She needs to get a clue! You go Nakisha! You tell her. :)

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  2. I have recently found GOMI (through Shams recent post), and I read the entire Hate Reads thread. All 83 pages of it. Yeah it took me a while 8-D. There is definitely some unpleasant negative comments made, but I think Justine's response to your comment is far more offensive that anything I read on GOMI. I haven't read her blog before, but if I had, I would stop. Immediately.

    PS-I love your sewing and your blog. One of my must reads.

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  3. I am not into any drama. It's all so sad. I actually started to read sewcountrychick's post earlier today but got a little bored with the idea of talking about the 'Mean Girls of the Sewing World' sorta thing and stopped reading 1/8 of the way through... but I saw you commenting on it so I went back to get the backstory... but it appears to be taken down tonight... it's redirecting to another random post of hers. I am generally not a regular reader of hers as well nor do I even know what gomi was until a day or so ago. I did go on there but my interest petered out pretty fast. I rather read crap about sewing and what not-- not so much anonymous snark from strangers commenting about what they think about who said what and why they think this or that is lame or unworthy, blah blah blah. Ugh. Let's all just sew and share and stop being mean to nice bloggers like you and others!!!!!

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    1. Whata sec... okay so I did not get the chance to read her blog post past past a few lines... so she was the one writing the comments abouts 'fat' people, etc. Hold your horses, chica. I re-read your post. I have all sorts of thoughts about that but it's not my thing to write such stuff on the internet. Biting my tongue. I get why it's been removed... it's an embarrassing situation for the writer of that blog. But it will technically on the web forever, so that's unfortunate for her. Now all let's sew and read sewing blogs and share and all that happy crap and leave the sad folks to do their sad folks stuff by themselves until they are ready to be mature and create and share thoughtful, helpful criticism.

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    2. PPS There must have been a blip on the internets or something. I read her post so I could get a better understanding of your post here. I am not a fan of her post at all... and I even commented. I never comment on that kinda stuff but did anyhow. But now onto sewing! (I made a cute cape, a pattern you used recently!)

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    3. She also removed the reference to my background and religious upbringing once I called her on it. If you can't stand behind what you write...........................

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  4. Replies
    1. GOMI stands for "Get Off My Internets".

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  5. Girl. I feel you. They have said things about my blog, but they can. It's okay. And I don't think any of them are fat or in a sexless marriage. They're just people. My husband is SO SO SNARKY. He would love that site. It's not my cup of tea, but eh, whatcha gonna do?

    I know what I did...I wrote an about me page so they could learn more about *why* my site is not solely a sewing site, and felt like I had done a bit of what they needed me to do. If they end up still not getting my blog, well, I can say at least I tried to take their constructive criticism to heart.

    (BTW, ladies, I have three kids. They said I had two. Yeah, I did, over three years ago.) ;-)

    I wish they would all just stop talking about it already. GOMI is GOMI. It ain't going anywhere. Just take or leave it. Its existence is like any internet existence...there, but if it isn't your thing, leave it be.

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  6. I too have only been alerted to GOMI from Shams blog. I don't read that blog (plus I nearly always machine sew my hems as I'd rather see a machine sewn hem than an 'invisible' one that isn't really and besides that's just personal preference not sewing skills/knowledge). I questioned someone prominent in sewing blog world about a comment made to another reader when that reader asked where she might wear that dress... the reader was attacked by the blogger and her 'followers' that she was a track pants wearing, fashion clueless heretic. I don't read her blog anymore because no matter how well you sew or how 'fashionable' you are, how much money or status or recognition you get in the sewing blog world, you do not have the right to assume and presume and cast your aspirations on others. Good on you for challenging behaviour that does that.

    Your observations about new sewing people is spot on... just sew and have fun and the rest will follow. It's just clothes people... keep it nice.

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  7. Wow, no idea what GOMI is, never heard of it before yesterday. I am going to check it out though just so I'm in the 'know' ;-). I definitely love your blog and your projects. I love all sewing, beginners or not...I stay away from drama, LOL. Some people are really mean and bitter.

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  8. I lurked on GOMI for a couple of days and then I realized that it was a lot like the pink goo in Ghostbusters 2 that was essentially a river of hate. I had to close the page and didn't go back. :)

    Good for you for calling out haters.

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  9. I have found out that there are a lot of snarks and snobs in sewing blog land. There's a difference between a sewist teaching a skill and one who points out the faults of others, thereby making herself superior. I don't have time for that. Perfecting a craft is journey and enjoying the trip along your way. I really don't care for blogs that look like a professional magazine shoot (and that have too many pictures). Call me common, but I don't mind the shoeless pics, cutting off your head because you are having a bad hair day, or the dog/kids are in the background photo-bombing. I learn more from those sewists because #1 I can identify #2 life is on-going--it gets messy at times # 3 wearability takes precedence over perfection. Recently, the owner of a pattern line got snarky with a blogger who wrote about her opinion on one of the patterns. Ms. Owner became very defensive, made several comments and, I believe, put her business is a very bad light. I'm willing to bet she regrets her behavior. Like my girls say 'it's not that serious'. Nakisha, never apologize for your skill level--you are more accomplished than you think.

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  10. Can I tell you how awesome I think it is that you called her out for her ignorant and insensitive comment?

    I complete agree with your assessment of GOMI. There is a ton of funny and valid constructive criticism on there, which often has me nodding in agreement. But then you have the occasional comment like the Sham's "saggy boobs" comment, or someone snarking on a hobbyist blogger's smile, and it just comes across as mean.

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  11. Wow, I was just looking for sewing blogs and came upon this page. I won't be back here. Shocked.

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    2. Thank you for the retraction Elisha. There will be no comment arguments on my blog.

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    3. You're welcome Nakisha, I wasn't trying to argue. I just noticed this commenter left the exact same comment on Justine's post was all. :)

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  12. Nakisha, I LOVE that you called her out for her comments. It is posts and responses like hers that have created GOMI in the first place! I do read GOMI, but only the craft forums, and find that there are some really valid conversations and discussions. It's not all about being mean (well, in the craft forums anyway) and there is a difference between snark and what is taking place elsewhere. Good on you for challenging! (and there is a whole thread on GOMI about this episode now.

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  13. I came from yours from Justine's site and I won't go back to hers, but you have a new reader.

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    1. Late to the party - but you're on my reader now too!

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  14. Mrs Smith, the internet attracts sad and ignorant people who feel free to say things online that would never be said to anyone's face. I have nothing to do with these sorts of ignorant people, when there are plenty of nice sewers out there to mix with - of all weights, ages, educational levels, and some in marriages with amore a plenty :). Otherwise I agree with Thornberry :)

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    1. P.S. and I have never heard of GOMI, but I will have a look. I doubt it will be my sort of site somehow.

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  15. My intention for reading sewing blogs are for inspiration and information, not for foolishness. I am glad you don't subscribe to those types of things. I agree with you, she need not have made those rude comments.

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  16. I think your clothes look great. (And that's what this blog is all about, right?) You are doing a fantastic job.

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  17. I hadn't heard of GOMI until two weeks ago. I have to admit that, initially, I was not a fan of the site. I thought it was just another place for people to be mean and cause drama and I *seriously* do not have time or energy for that. However, curiosity got the best of me when I saw the "Crafting Bloggers" section of the forums. O_O Yes there are some mean comments, but there are also lots of very valid criticisms.

    I remember Carolyn posted something about her 10 best sewing blogs and asked people to list their 10 favorites/bests. I said that I like all the blogs I follow and don't have a favorite because it seems clique-y. One person replied that I should have said thank you and be grateful or some nonsense. Thank you for what? Expressing an opinion that was different from yours? I didn't bother replying because who gives a shit? It's stuff like this (plus monetization) that the GOMI folks call out on a regular basis.

    Anyway. I admit that I lurk on GOMI. If it's not your cup of tea, don't drink it. It's like the people who pressured Toys R Us to stop selling the Breaking Bad dolls. Really? I will probably never meet Bryan Cranston, so the Walter White action figure was the closest I could get. Now that's not even an option because some folks decided it's bad and no one should have it.

    Hmm....tangent much? LOL

    Finally, to end this post of epic length, SCC was just ignorant for the fat-sexless woman comment. I work my ass off at the gym four days a week, am vegetarian, don't eat any processed foods, or drink soda. My weight is destined to be above 150 lbs. I've accepted it. What she said was wrong and unintelligent. It's this type of commentary that is shunned in the crafting section of GOMI. I can't speak on the other forums because I don't read them.

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  18. I'm proud of you, Nakisha! I missed the drama until it was mostly over, but oy.

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  19. Good for you!! I don't read SCC so I probably would've missed it completely, but I'm glad you have a voice and used it. I'm a GOMI lurker too, but I'm guessing that probably surprises no one. lol

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  20. I looked at GOMI after Sham's blog post. Sham did receive an apology of sorts and was told personal comments had no place on the site; it's unpleasant to see that they can still appear. I actively avoid posts of the kind you describe (I haven't been back on so didn't see). I'd like to see constructive criticism of a garment, if such is sought - not everyone wants it. And I did say constructive. Some of the views expressed I actually share - here I mean 'all Indies are wonderful' culture. We all know they aren't but people have been taken to task for the slightest criticism of the pattern (not the person) and that isn't right - as you say, if you sell something you need to stand behind it and accept legitimate customer feedback. One part of the GOMI site I liked was the 'Indie4less' though in UK we don't get the cheap big 4 prices. I'm appalled at these comments and am glad they have been criticised and taken down. I enjoy your blog and your makes - I can't even begin to imagine how you achieve it all!

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  21. There is a lot of negativity our there in the sewing world and it stuns me to know that there are so many people out there that assume & judge others without knowing what journey that person is on!!

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  23. I only recently discovered GOMI. I've spent a lot of time lurking through the forums trying to see what it's about. I choose not to participate but, I think there are A LOT of valid points mixed with some harsh criticism, and (maybe) off-putting commentary. I also think there IS room for it in the SBC. If everyone agreed about everything and held the same opinions we could probably achieve world peace, a nice thought, but not the reality of the world in which we live.

    I'm willing to bet that even those persons who are speaking out against sites like GOMI can't admit to liking everything/everyone or make claims that they've never spoken out about the opinions they hold. The blogger who inspired this post is a perfect example. She clearly holds biases and some opinions that a lot of people don't agree with (some that can actually be deflated with factual support to the contrary. HA!)

    I wish that people could get over this idea that everyone has to agree and be nice and, instead, agree to disagree. No person or group has an opinion with more value than another. It takes all sorts of people with all sorts of ideas to make the world go-round. We're not all going to be friends. If you don't like the kool-aid, don't drink it. There are plenty of other options out there.

    Oh, the drama. :-D

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  24. I thought you did have a super popular blog!? Anyway, people like that will always be around. In my previous job, Cafe Pharma was one of those sites where anonymous cowards posted their poor attitudes, and although it was sometimes funny to read, I quickly learned that it gave me a bad attitude to just read it. People can be jerks, but more people in our sewing community are really nice and helpful, which is why I like being part of the sewing/blogging community. Anyway, have a great weekend. I have no doubt that you will sew up a storm. xxxooo

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  25. Wow. She sounds bitter. By the way, she edited her post to take out all the nasty comments, and only sortof apologized for it.
    I had no idea what GOMI was so I looked it up, didn't even have to open the forum strings to know what I was going to find when they're labeled with people's blog names. Jeeze. Now I don't run away from criticism, I post about things I think are worth criticizing and bringing light to too, but I don't think I'm mean about it. I specifically try to not name names. Critiquing a product is valuable and I do think new sewers can get a little too sucked into things and get overwhelmed (the must have everything mentality, I've been there!). But like you said, it's a free market and if they have a bad product I think they'll sink eventually. Or swim if they improve.
    But she really has no room to talk if she's body shaming other people. That's just bullshit

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  26. I applaud your speaking up about SCC's comments. It was a well-worded and measured response. I mostly lurk on GOMI but it's odd how people treat it like it's an entity of its own, a hive mind thing. It's just a group of individuals who have differing opinions. Some comments I disagree with, some are harsh, some it agree with and that's fine with me. Gomi led me here and that's a good thing

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  27. While I am usually behind on blog reading, and don't typically read SCC, the stars and moon aligned such that I caught it when it was published. My jaw dropped, actually, when I read her comments that you highlighted above. My jaw dropped again when I saw her response to you. She really doesn't get it, does she? Thank you for speaking up and calling her out. Her post has been taken down. There is no place for body shame/snark/hate.

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  28. Nice blog post! Keep sharing such kinda stuff .. Reading blogs is a great experience. I also do some blogging on sewing work & other stuffs! Have a great day ..

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  31. Hey guys! Sewing work could never get boring.. I still do sewing work. and do the Wedding Photography work as well. Not just this but normal photo shoot as well.

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